Klarion the Witch Boy and April Fools Day
by Bright Anarchy
Summary: The light had a request. Keep the Justice League distracted but try not to draw too much attention. He was determined to have a good time with this project.
1. Chapter 1

**This will be a fairly short crack fic.**

The Light had a request of Klarion the Witch boy.

"The Reach is making a delivery. We want the Justice League and the Young Justice Team distracted, preferably in a way that they won't take too seriously so it won't attract a huge amount of scrutiny."

"So, you're saying I've got free rein to have a little fun." Klarion grinned playfully thinking for a few moments "April fools day is in a few days. If you can arrange for the delivery to coincide with everyone's favourite day of mischief. I do believe I could manage exactly what you need. Is there anything vaguely techie that the League might believe we would want?"

"Star Labs is developing a serum to suppress dormant Meta genes from activating," offered Luthor.

Klarion's grin widened.

In the next meeting of the JLA, Green Arrow explained the information he'd uncovered. "I've stopped three separate break-ins and thefts at Queen industries. It was all chemical components designated for the Meta gene suppression project at Star Labs."

Batman started hacking, he sent a text to Robin who also started hacking.

"Luthor has been very vocal about Meta rights lately which is unusual as he is usually on the other side of that fence," noted Superman.

Batman spoke up. "A hole has been manufactured in the Star Labs security system for April 1st. I can correct the security breach or we can try to catch them in the act. We've seen activity on this in Star City, Central City and Metropolis. It would be best to know who's really behind this."

"Tech, Luthor, Star City, Central City from a skill set stand point, I think this is perfect for the YJ team," offered Flash. "Is this too big for them?"

After much discussion, it was decided that with the Meta suppression serum still incomplete, the security was lax enough that it was unlikely big guns would be sent after it. The YJ team would be assigned the mission.

"Are you up for this Dick? I'm aware of the significance of the day," spoke Bruce who had yet to suit up as Batman.

"It will be good to have something else to focus on," Dick still had the occasional nightmare but he no longer shut down like clock work every anniversary or special day. Usually, when he shut down now it was in response to a trigger he couldn't mentally prepare for. The last time had been a predawn patrol on a windy day eight months ago. A cloths line full of clothes had snapped and flown off into the wind. The resultant flash back sent him reeling.

In all, he was almost at the point were he didn't want to punch someone on the nose every time they used that stupid quote, "The show must go on." Now he'd just mutter darkly, "..it's freaking going."

Robin was sure he'd heard Batman muttering at that stupid song, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." Flash had teased for years it should be Bat's theme song. Perhaps the muttering stage was as good as it gets.

Batman dutifully took the fake spider out of his coffee and left shaving cream in Robin's left boot. He called the team to the mountain and scowled appropriately as the Zeta announced Barman and Ruben, Kid Flash was Squid Splash, Flash was Zippity Doo Dah, Artemis was Artemis Fowl, Zatanna was Antenna, Black Canary was Black Coffee one lump or two.

"Every year," Black Canary muttered. "Every single year! It is you Robin isn't it?"

"Nope," Robin smirked.

"Yeah right sandwich boy," snarked Kid Flash. "Seriously Squid Splash was the best you could come up with?"

Kaldur swam in. Conner and Miss Martian were already there so they missed the traditional Zeta nonsense.

(In another city, Red Arrow used the Zeta only for it to announce Red Arrow. "SERIOUSLY?! Today you get it right?!")

Needless to say Klarion was waiting for the team. Superboy got blasted immediately but nothing unusual seemed to happen. Superboy's style of combat didn't put much effort into avoiding the hit. Miss Martian got blasted next or maybe she didn't. She was intangible at the time, again nothing unusual seemed to happen.

Klarion was giggling uncontrollably.

"Oooh Zatanna?" Called Klarion playfully. Zatanna had issues with Klarion.

"mih dinb, mih gag" she muttered.

Klarion held up a magic mirror which caught the young magician's image. Zatanna was bound and gagged. "I'm rubber. You're glue. What you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!"

"Hey Miss Martian! The bad guy, not me!" Complained Robin dropping from a tree to his knees and shaking his head.

"Sorry, sorry I missed! You're psychic signatures are similar."

Kid Flash zipped to drag Robin to cover only to be hit by one of Klarion's bolts. Very suddenly he was standing in the buff.

"HA HA HA! Kid Flash! Should of chosen another name!" Klarion chortled.

Robin staggered to his feet and gave Wally his cape which unfortunately Wally had no choice but to use to hide his identity rather than his unmentionables.

Kaldur was getting quite fed up with this. They were being owned by a child on a prank spree. "Miss Martian where is his cat?"

Miss Martian pointed to a bush on the outskirts of the field of combat.

Kaldur descended on the bush with extreme prejudice.

"Aqualad what the hey?!" Artemis dodged Kaldur's advance, completely loosing the sight line she'd had on Klarion.

"Miss Martian?!" called Kaldur annoyed

"Sorry, sorry I missed," she apologized frantically.

"I know, I know, MISS Martian. Wonderful name, if I do say so myself," cackled Klarion tossing a bolt of magic at Artemis while Aqualad was helping her up. Artemis rolled to the side and dove at Klarion and... painted a mustache on his face.

"Oooo I like it," complimented Klarion.

"What the frigg happened to my bow?" demanded Artemis who was now sporting an art smock, paint brush and paint palette.

Klarion danced out of the way not even trying to attack but still laughing uproariously. "Very Arty, ... Miss."

Kaldur, Conner and Robin were the only ones left unaffected.

"I'm not coming out. You're on your own." Kid Flash had a whole body blush going on.

Robin meeped terribly embarrassed. He was thirteen. He shouldn't have had to deal with this. Artemis had an odd expression on her face and she whipped a canvas out from somewhere and started painting the reluctant nude and muttering about lighting. Kid Flash is getting nudie germs on my cape. I am so burning that cape. "Come on Supes, Aqualad we seriously need to get traught."

Kaldur needed things to get back in control, "Miss Martian, stop helping and call the League."

"DON'T CALL THE LEAGUE!" shrieked Kid Flash.

"Mmmph!" Zatanna tried to yell.

"Is anyone else in the mood for jazz?" asked Artemis casually, still working on her canvas.

"Ahh haa haa, ha ha..." laughed Klarion nearly rolling on the ground at this point.

"Shut Up!" roared Superboy.

With Superboy roaring distractions, Robin tried to clock Klarion on the head with a spinning flip kick but the moment his foot hit Klarion's aura, a pre-prepared spell blasted him and Robin was thrown back. It was at this point Teleek decided Robin was very interesting indeed and came out of hiding pouncing toward the Robin robin who flew like a bat out of hell towards Superboy chirping what could only be American Robin for HELP!

Superboy cupped the tiny robin in his hands hiding him away and Aqualad bonked Teleek on the head.

Teleek and Klarion disappeared.

Aqualad stood panting frantically trying to catch his breath. "I don't think..." he panted. "I don't think we can count that as a win."

Superboy opened his hands to check on Robin now that a crazy magic cat wasn't trying to eat his tiny friend. Robin the robin had the data chip with the Meta serum in one tiny foot claw. He dropped it into Superboy's hand and awkwardly fluttered up to stand on Superboy's shoulder.

"Dude you rock, even as a Robin. Rocking Robin, get it?" called out Wally.

Robin robin chirped, shook his head in disgust and hid his head under his wing.

"It would be best if he didn't draw attention to himself right now," agreed Superboy.

Aqualad went to release Zatanna. "Did you contact the League M'gann?"

"I dialed the wrong number," she admitted.

Zatanna looked around then said warily at a flower, "rehtona ruoloc eb." When her own hair turned red instead of anything happening to the flower, she looked up at Aqualad grimly and shook her head.

They piled into the Bioship. Aqualad took the helm. "We are not 'missing' the mountain," he gruffly explained.

"It's fine Kaldur." Miss Martian answered sheepishly. She talked him through the controls and encouraged the ship to cooperated with Aqualad. The Bioship was usually controlled telepathically but she agreed to manual controls to help with the current situation.

Kid Flash wanted to see what had happened to Robin but everyone else wanted him to sit at the back of the ship. At least now that KF was among friends Robin's cape could be put to better use preserving his dignity rather than his identity.

"Rob, dude you seriously need to get taller, this cape isn't big enough."

Robin tweeted indignantly which proved his new form hadn't compromised his ability to comprehend what was going on. Miss Martian couldn't link with him telepathically but that probably had less to do with his new form and more to due with her new inability to hit the broad side of the barn with anything she was aiming at. The link was down. It was a good thing the Bioship buckled it's passengers in automatically or she'd still be trying to get Tab A into Slot B insisting she could do it.

Superboy cradled Robin robin in his hand gently as the Bioship took off.

"At least you seem uneffected," Kaldur commented to Superboy his hand hovering over the button that would contact the league. Ummm.. maybe they'd wait to contact the league until after they managed to find some clothing for Kid Flash. He looked back at Artemis, Miss Martian and finally Robin purposefully not looking at Kid Flash. No, Batman at least needed to be told immediately or else...

Perhaps only Batman, "Kaldur to Batman come in Batman. We have a situation."


	2. Chapter 2

When we left the Young Justice Team, Kid Flash had magically "flashed" the world and was bemoaning the loss of his clothes. Artemis or rather Arty Miss had discovered her inner artist. Miss Martian was living up to her name, missing everything she aimed at. Zatanna had been magic mirrored. Her magic always reflecting away from it's intended target and Robin... was a robin.

When they got back to the mountain, Batman was waiting for them. Kid Flash ran out of the ship at top speed. His door slid shut before anyone else had managed to get out of their seats. He zipped on some clothes and zipped out to ...

"I thought you were going to put some clothes on," observed Artemis.

Kid Flash yelped! "I just did..." He zipped off again.

It was no use. Every time he got dressed, the clothes disappeared back into his closet as fast as he put them on and he was Kid Flash so that was pretty darn fast. At least he knew where his Kid Flash costume had gotten to. The costume was high tech and expensive. He was determined maybe he could wear the spell out. After the 100th outfit change, Kid Flash gave up exhausted. Maybe this wouldn't be so exhausting if he didn't insist on wearing the skinny jeans? It took serious wiggling to get into those puppies but they looked so fine on him. He flopped exhausted and starving on to his bed and reluctantly covered his nakedness with the tiny shiny cape again.

Miss Martian was trying to cook a little something. Kid Flash in particular ususally needed to eat after a mission. She was also trying to get her mind off of things. There were now eggs on the floor, grill cheese sandwiches in the dish water and a puddle of hot water beside the tea cup. "Can someone other than me please just order take out," she eventually huffed. This was so frustrating.

"I'll get dinner!" declared Superboy with a little too much enthousiasm.

Artemis was sketching Batman and Robin in pen and ink.

Batman was very gently examining Robin's feathers. "You're still fledging. These aren't all adult feathers yet. Superboy reported you flew?"

Robin bobbed his head once.

"Doctor Fate can reverse this but he won't be back until the end of the week. It would be imprudent to take you through a zeta transport. We don't know how you are maintaining human consciousness and we can't risk a zeta breaking that tenuous connection. Magic and technology often don't mix. I can't secure you in the Batmobile safely. I don't have an appropriate restraint system. You will have to stay in the cave."

Zatanna was looking on. "Robin, you have the needs of a bird right now." She looked over toward the fridge and stove shaking her head.

Robin tweeted indignantly and fluffed up his feathers in outrage.

"What's his problem?" demanded Wally peaking his head around the corner.

Robin chirped in exasperation and hid his head under his wing.

"Still naked?" exclaimed Zatanna looking away and sighing. "This day is not terribly asterous."

"The clothes keep disappearing. I'm hungry."

"I... I think that is Robin's problem," offered Zatanna. "The food thing. He got all fluffy and annoyed when I mentioned he'd have the needs of a bird. Well robins eat, err... yuck..."

Robin was hopping about and trying to sleek out his feathers. He chirped at Zatana trying to make the feathers lie flat.

"Yeah, protest all you want. She's right. You look like fluff ball," chuckled Wally glad to share a little misery.

Robin flew at Wally, landed on his head and furious, pulled at his red locks like so many errant worms.

Wally shrieked and tried to swat at the bird, the cape tied around his waist his only covering. Batman caught his hands in an iron grip with an almighty Batglare.

"He Is Fragile," growled Batman low and deadly.

Robin gave a beakful of Wally's hair one last tug and fluttered back onto the counter. Batman was glaring at him too. He hopped behind the juice jug and peeked out and gave a short slightly gruff chirp of apology then hopped down the counter pretending to ignore both Batman and Wally.

"Angry bird, where's your sling shot?" taunted Wally smoothing down his hair. That had hurt!

Robin ignored him.

Batman stared at Robin robin analytically, "If he's not completely fledged I don't know if he is ready to ... process food without assistance. Mother robins feed their chicks regurgitated partially digested food. I need to contact an ornithologist. Hopefully Robin is mature enough that he doesn't require maternal digestive enzymes to process his dietary requirements."

If it was possible for a young robin to turn green, the one hopping on the counter would be.

Batman put out a small dish of water for Robin then disappeared to do some research.

Zatanna rubbed her face in frustration and looked at the sketch Artemis was working on. "You've been working on that for like an hour. It's squiggles and scratches."

"It's interpretive," protested Artemis.

"I thought you were sketching Batman and Robin," complained Zatanna. She was admittedly kind of grumpy. Klarion gave magic a bad rap and she couldn't even doing anything about it. She'd been hit with a magic mirror before. It wore off eventually. "You might as well have been sketching a fruit bowl. It doesn't look like anything."

"Everyone's a critic," dismissed Artemis.

"Food's ready!" announced Conner. He'd ordered Chinese, Italian and Burgers.

"Dude, you're my hero!" called out Wally.

"Yes I'm a Supper Hero," declared Conner striking a pose and looking kind of confused.

"I can't believe I just said that," protested Conner.

Everyone came and sat down at the table.

"I'm cold," complained Wally.

Kaldur liked the Chinese. Wally had a small stack of burgers.

"Ah man, you got mushrooms on everything. I hate mushrooms," muttered Artemis poking at her food.

"I'll save you from the mushrooms," declared Conner polishing off Artemis's food in seconds flat and then pushing back from the table confused.

"Way to go Supper boy!" snarked Artemis annoyed.

"Dear Posiden," declared Kaldur banging his head on the table.

Robin started chirping frantically and pecked at a keyboard.

"puns all kf try flashy cloghs," he pecked out.

"Cloghs?" demanded Wally. "Rob what the heck?"

"He's a bird, pecking a keyboard with his beak. Give him a break. Clothing Kid Idiot! Spare us the skin show and try flashy clothing," snarked Artemis.

Black Canary who had arrived moments ago and had been briefed by Batman, suggested they check their wardrobes for the most outrageously flashy clothing they could find.

Miss Martian, who didn't even have clothes but was currently covered in her dinner, offered to help.

"Well I suppose the cape is rather flashy and it hasn't disappeared yet," conceded Wally.

A short while later they returned to the dinner table. Batman joined then with a small bowl of meal worms he'd just acquired for Robin. Robin shook his head frantically and chirped pathetically.

"I'll save you," declared Conner. He quickly downed the bowl of worms, "Gak... er..." Supper boy ran to the bathroom.

"Do I have to wear this," asked Wally looking down at Artemis's sequined prom dress, the flashiest outfit they'd been able to find.

A chorus of "Yeps," answered. Everyone was tired of the alternative.

Dinner was not as warm as it once was but everyone ate. Supper boy saved everyone from the table scraps.

"Some one please make this stop," pleaded Conner.

Batman darkly swept in from an emergency outing to the Happy Harbour pet store to pick up more meal worms. "Supper boy!" growled Batman. He dragged Conner off by the collar.

"I need you to understand this," spoke Batman, very slowly enunciating each word. "Doctor Fate won't be back to fix this until the end of the week."

"Yes Sir."

"A juvenile robin needs to eat approximately once every ten minutes during it's waking hours."

"Yes Sir."

"If you are a Supper Hero you won't allow him to starve to death."

"No Sir."

"Here are his dietary requirements from the ornithologist." Batman slammed down instructions, meal worms, crickets, assorted berries and greens. Batman swooped out of the room pausing at the door with one last piece of advice. "Young robins defecate at every feeding. It's reflex. There are gloves in the infirmary."

"I don't want to be a Supper Hero," Superboy whined.

The thing is, as cruel as it seemed, Batman had dealt with this type of idiotic punny magic before. Instead of eating Robin's worms, within the hour Conner was gently holding Robin and he'd successfully forced a tiny syringe of "protein shake" (mashed worms, crickets and berries) into him.

Robin's tiny claws were incapable of scratching Conner but he'd given it his best shot. He was trying his absolute best to pretend the protein shake hadn't been what he'd known it was. Conner held him gently, stroking his feathers through a couple of feedings.

"Settle down. You're going to give yourself a heart attack or something. Shh.. I can hear you tiny heart going a mile a minute. Calm down." Conner wasn't going to repeat the craziness that catching Robin had involved. He fully intended to hold Robin robin until he stopped freaking out and calmly accepted his feedings.

Thankfully, the small bird was not yet a strong flyer. Unfortunately, despite the helpful foresight of Batman who had closed all the vents and doors, the entire team had chased the small bird for half an hour. Kid Flash had difficultly attaining any speed in a sequined dress, especially with Artemis yelling at him to be careful because prom was in two weeks. Miss Martian was a hazard to herself and Robin.

They tried unsuccessfully to catch Rob until he accidentally flew into a glass door panel and stunned himself. He scared everyone silly. Batman took off his gauntlets and gently picked up and examined the twitching bird. Robin was alright.

After four or five feedings the tiny bird fell asleep with Conner still holding onto him.

Wally plonked down on the couch looking dishevelled and ridiculous. "If Rob can't say it, I suppose I'll have to. The punny magic's not funny magic."

"Har-dee-har-har," answered Artemis. "I've got the strongest urge for a glass of red wine by the light of one of those dribbley candle wax bottles."

"I'm hungry," moaned Megan. "Everything I tried to eat ended up everywhere but my mouth."

"Supper hero to the rescue," answered Conner resignedly. Still holding the sleeping bird with one hand, Conner washed his other hand then reheated a hamburger and hand fed Megan.

"Must I report this one to my king?" asked Kaldur who was cleaning Megan's mess from the kitchen.

Batman and Dinah who were setting up an avian incubator to keep Robin at the right temperature just in case looked over at Kaldur.

"You're in quarantine due to a highly contagious nuisance illness?" offered Dinah.

As much as Kaldur wanted away from the team right now. "Yes please."

"Hey Arty," called Zatanna. "Draw me a comic of us evicerating Klarion."

"It would be my pleasure."

"I want Klarion 'Done like Dinner'," Conner added.

Batman gently took Robin and put him in the incubator/nest. Robin woke but he just fluffed up his feathers and settled down. "Tweet if you're hungry," spoke Batman with a smirk.

Robin robin bit him.

Batman didn't stop smirking but he put a Blackberry in the incubator so Robin could communicate.

"You'll have to hunt and peck to type," added Batman still smirking.

"Now I know where Robin gets it from," groaned Wally. "I hate you Batman."

"I'm going to go have a discussion with Klarion," answered Batman, every drop of playfulness was gone. He pulled on his gauntlets and a deadly determination settled over him.

"I love you Batman," encouraged Zatanna.

So yeah,... the good guys don't win every battle but they have backup and the backup has an attitude.


	3. Batman

Batman found Klarion. Batman was waiting for Klarion when he returned to his current hangout. Batman lounged against a pillar completely relaxed and unconcerned. "Hello Klarion."

Klarion cackled with delight. "My dear Batman are you here hoping to share the love? Is your little baby team having problems?"

"Problems? I deal with the likes of Joker, Riddler, Penguin, Mad Hatter and that's just naming a few."

"You really think you can take me? Today of all days? I am a Lord of Chaos. April fools day is My Thing!"

"Your thing huh?"

"Are you going to plead with me to undo my cruel, cruel spells?"

"Nope. Can't be bothered. Let me introduce myself," declared the Dark Knight. "The call me, Batman!" Batman whipped a baseball bat out from under his cape and punted Telek out of the park. "Punny magic... After the ball point banana, Klarion all I can say is you ain't got nothing on Gotham."

Klarion who'd meeped and fled with his cat, shrieked. "You were supposed to turn into a puny little Bat! You're Batman not Batman. ARGHH! Phoo! Stupid Bat."

By the time the spells were broken Miss Martian had learned her first swear word. Everyone was totally proud of her for it. She really earned that swear word.

Artemis had earned extra credit in art class.

Wally had been forced to go to school in neon and sequins. Unfortunately the school decided to take yearbook pictures that week. The caption under his year book photo? Most likely to star in the next Troll movie? Most likely to be reborn as an Anime Character? He'd lived with Robin's pranks for so many years he just grinned and ran with it.

Conner learned to cook. A supper hero has to have standards. He could make a mean souffle. Unfortunately getting Robin to eat enough was a little beyond even his skills.

By the time Robin turned back into a boy, he'd lost a fair bit of weight but who could blame him? How many worms and grubs could you stomach? As a robin he'd been unable to attend school. He excuse of having had the flu looked completely believable. He was pale and seriously underweight. On the plus side he'd always dreamed of being able to fly at least for a little while. When Alfred and Doctor Leslie fussing over his weight loss approached him with prescription protein shakes to put the weight back on?

He screamed like a girl and ran away.


End file.
